For ages I wanted
to write another blog post but you know nothing really inspired me to even try.
I would write something down and give up because it wasn’t going anywhere. To
be honest I don’t think this will even go anywhere so you probably shouldn’t
read ahead.
I got asked a
really simple known question there around two weeks ago and more than likely
you probably have been asked it to.
“What is your
biggest fear?”
Yes you could say
I’m fairly afraid of the dark because if you know me you’ll never see me walk
up the stairs without putting the landing light on, or if I see a spider I will
scream and run and more than likely have heart failure if you pick it up and
throw it out the window. I’m not that type of person either kill it or throw
yourself out the window with the vile insect.
The thing I’ve
realized or become more aware of recently is that I don’t actually think I’m
afraid of the dark, it’s what could be in the dark, or spiders yes there creepy
and have 8 legs, but maybe what they would do if they touch your leg (most
likely nothing, in Ireland anyway).
My biggest fear out
of all these fears is the UNKNOWN.
How daunting I
know.
I’m afraid that I
wont be successful in the future, or that ill never find something I actually
like doing, I’m afraid of never getting married. I have a fear of feelings
because they are so out of my grasp. They are wild and unpredictable, raw and
true. Loosing control over myself makes me feel uncomfortable. Wouldn’t it be
so fantastic if we could change all of my fears of the unknown into excitement
or mystery. This probably seems all so stupid to you but I actually overthink
these situations and worry about these things for no particular reason.
My question is
“how can someone worry about something that hasn’t happened yet?”
Then I think again
and wonder well I worried about that and that did happen. I really don’t like
the fear that surrounds the idea of death or the future universally, just
because we don’t know doesn’t mean we should fear it but yet we tend to do it.
Nelson Mandela
once said “it always seems impossible until its done.” Which is so true because
if you keep telling yourself you can’t so something you’ll find it impossible
and then you do it and you think to yourself or tell your acquaintances that it
was easy.
Tackling goals
ignites a lot of fear. Sometimes we let our fear of the unknown take over and
stagnate ourselves from moving forward. It’s hard to tell yourself to not give
up before you’ve even begun. Because maybe if I stop telling myself I wont feel
so stuck.
I want to be one
of those people who is shamelessly myself, that shines bright everywhere. I
want to make people happy and realize that they can smile for themselves too. I
want to feel relaxed in every uncertainty of everyday. I want to be my own
self. I don’t want to be boxed away and be paralyzed by fear. Fear prevents us
from living a whole and an authentic life. It disturbs decision-making and
experimenting.
I want to replace
my fear of the unknown with curiosity.
XOXO
CJ